A Lenten Reflection

"But when you pray, go to your inner room, close the door, and pray to your Father in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will repay you."

-Matthew 6:6

As I was praying before Ash Wednesday mass yesterday, before I even realized the contents of the Gospel reading, I was thinking about shame and why we sometimes hide our faith.  I've been reading a lot about vulnerability and whole-hearted living, a focus of the work of storyteller and researcher Brene Brown (more about her work later), I was thinking about shame in response to the things we keep private about our faith. There is a difference, I believe, between keeping our prayer, fasting and alms giving secret in order to be humble and not boastful, and keeping our faith private because we are scared of societies judgement.

Peace from Momma Mary

Happy January 1st! Today is both the Feast of the Solemnity of the Blessed Virgin Mary and also the 50th World Day of Peace, first celebrated by Blessed Pope Paul VI in 1967.

Pope Francis reminds us that while we live in a broken world, "violence is not the cure for our broken world… " but that we still have peace and mercy as options available to us. And as the song states, it must start with us, it must start at home.

During the homily at mass tonight, the Monsignor connected peace to the celebration and reflection of Mary's role in the birth of Christ. In reviewing the Hail Mary, the priest pointed out the phrase "blessed are you among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus". He pointed out that not only does the phrase encompass Mary's holiness but also her peace. While I had never heard of this interpretation, the priest went on to discuss how Mary is a vessel of peace, bringing into the world the ultimate Prince of Peace.  During the Gospel reading, the shepherds relay to Mary what the angels have told them about her Son. The scriptures state that Mary "kept all these things, reflecting on them in her heart." She reacted peacefully, taking in what was told to her to heart and reflecting to understand the meaning. Her peaceful reaction should be a model for all of us, a way to take in what we hear and what we see and reflect on what God is saying to us or teaching us in the moment. Blessed is She presented a beautiful devotion today on the importance of reflective listening, and slowing down to hear wheat God is saying to us. Listening to God's words to our hearts will allow us to develop inner peace, furthermore allowing us to project that peace out into the world.


 For we must remember what St. Teresa of Calcutta told us, "If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other."

Equip Me, Lord

In our Young Adults group tonight, we were reading Saturday's Gospel for the Feast of St. Andrew. The Gospel is from Matthew and it tell of the mission of the twelve, when after seeing a crowd filled with disease and illness, Jesus' 

"...Heart was moved with pity for them because they were trouble and abandoned, like sheep without a shepherd" 

(Matthew 9:36)

After this, he summons the twelve disciplines and gives them authority to go out into ministry and drive out unclean spirits and cure illness. Somehow we got on the topic of giving and receiving, and when is it the right time to act. Some people were stressing the point of needing to fill your own cup before you can pour out to others, while others were discussing how through serving from our brokenness, we are not only giving to others but also giving to ourselves.

It got me thinking about my own giving, and not just in the sense of service work, but giving of myself, giving of Christ to others. I very often fall into the camp of feeling like I never know enough to share, or I never know what to share or how to share it correctly. I don't have it polished and perfected enough to put out in the world, either in person or through this blog, and so I don't do it. It’s a reflection of a struggle within myself, that I am hesitant to produce a product that is less than perfect and present it to the world. But someone in group tonight brought up the point that we don't learn from individuals who are perfect. Those are not the stories we are drawn to. We are drawn to those who share a common struggle, whom we can relate to, and whose lives we can learn from. I think that is something that makes the saints so powerful. They are incredibly holy men and women, and yet their stories are filled with hardship and brokenness. Look at St. Teresa of Calcutta. She went through such an extended period of darkness, of not feeling Christ's presence and of sometimes doubting, yet she is one of the most holy women of our time. Just because we don’t feel prepared or perfect doesn't mean we can't serve or share.

This whole thought process was making me think of this space, this blog. I write so infrequently one, due to time, but also due to the fact that I feel like I don’t have anything good enough to say. That no one will read it, so why bother. But I want to end that. I like to write, and I am trying to find my voice, though it isn't perfect. So why not share it all here, why not start giving of myself and my stories, because I have received so much through Christ and as the last line of the Gospel passage reflects, 

"Without cost you have received; without cost you are to give".

I don't feel prepared, but as I opened my Bible to write, a note card fell out with a quote I heard in college "God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called," and I have faith that what I need to serve with be provided for by God.

Prodigal

The story of the Prodigal Son, which is this week's Gospel reading, is a well known story, a story about greed and humility, a story about mercy. I went to the young adult group (!) held by the Catholic Church on campus, and we reflected on this week's Gospel. While I kept quiet for the most part, it was so interesting to hear other's revelations about this famous story. 

A few thoughts that were shared tonight:

• In the beginning, the younger son was very greedy. But not only that, he wanted what was "owed to him" in the form of his inheritance, something only received after the father would have passed. So not only does he say give me what I am "owed", he could be alluding to the fact that his father/family is now dead to him. This only heightens his distancing himself from his father in his belief that he can live life "his way".
• What do we throw away to pursue what we want or think we need?
• After squandering his inheritance on things he *thinks* will bring him fulfillment, he resorts to thinking"And he would have gladly filled his stomach with the pods that the swine were eating, and no one was giving anything to him". He is so desperate for something to fill him that he would eat pig slop.
• Are we ever so desperate that we resort to "pig slop" to fill our needs and desires?
• "Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in your sight; I am no longer worthy to be called your son”..... But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion for him, and ran and embraced him and kissed him."
• Through his sin, the son feels unworthy of the father's love or grace. But the father doesn't merely accept his son back into the family, no he "saw him and felt compassion for him, and ran and embraced him". The father's love and mercy was not contingent on how the son behaved, it was unreserved and unwavering no matter what, and he gave him the best he had to offer.
• The older son's jealously is a reminder of a few things:
• One, God doesn't love us because we try to be perfect. We are able to strive towards holiness because God loves us unconditionally
• Two, We are not the judges of who is deserving of what. We need to take a reality check and humble ourselves.
• Three, does our pursuit of the "good" keep us from pursuing the "best" or the "greatest"? The older son was so concerned with playing by the roles, or doing what was good, that he forgot that the greater good was loving his brother and welcoming him home. 

I think that last point is an interesting one. How often do we concern ourselves with things that aren't bad, that may be good, but that keep us from the greatest good? It isn't bad to spend time with friends or family, but if that time spent interferes with our ability to seek God, is the good getting in the way of a greater good? I feel like this is a hard question to answer, especially for the person who feels like they are doing the right thing and "deserves" the splendors that the younger son receives. But we don't deserve anything because of what we do or don't do. We deserve the gifts of the Father because of who HE is, not because of who we are.